We all have them.
Whether they are good for our soul or detrimental to our happiness… that’s for you to decide.
Those friends from our childhood that are engrained in our being, the one’s we experienced bruises, broken bones, first animal deaths, the hamsters dogs, cats, lizards. That person that you would stand up to the world for on the playground, the one you experience first crushes with, the two of you are unstoppable in figuring out how to sneakily put that love letter in your crushes lunchbox when the teacher isn’t looking. Those friends never leave us. Even if we are no longer in contact with them now, they will never vanish from our memories. They are the ones that you never have to explain your life story to, because they were there, going through it all with you. Few are so lucky to still stand beside their childhood friend to this very day, and those are the friends you should cherish like gold.
High School Friends
We then transition to being a teenager, and where we make our adolescent friends. The awkward freshman year acquaintance that turns into ‘best friends for life’ in an instant.
The ones you share your first drinking experience with, ya know, those two Mike’s Hard Lemonades, the couple of Corona’s stolen from your parents fridge and bam, this is what drunk feels like?! They know all of your secrets, the crushes you switch between and know just how to embarrass you.
They are there when you find your first real boyfriend/girlfriend that you naively believe will last forever, and are your main buddy to every sporting event, the friend you go on double dates to all the dances with, and is your partner in every PE class. And every time guaranteed, when the teacher says, “find a partner” for group projects, they give you this look;
The following 3 years you discover those worth keeping and start to realize those that were temporary friends based off convenience, attending the same school and having similar friends.
Cue high school graduation, all the parties and tears when everyone thinks they will never see each other again unless they go to the same college. Well, they’re not entirely wrong. Time and distance show who your true friends really are.
The Friend Who Swims in Drama
You know the one I am referring to, that person who no matter how much advice you give them, or try to stay out of the dramatic whirlwind, they always come swimming around with more issues than vogue. You don’t even quite know how they got so blacked out drunk and hooked up with someone at last night’s party, while they were still in a relationship, yet somehow blames it on anyone else but themselves. And lately, every time they’re around you’ve noticed your mood sink faster than a setting sunset. Most of the time this friend is the jealous type, seeming to hate on everything you accomplish, always bringing you back to their level of life, but shout from the social media rooftops that they’re still your best friend. Some will lie their way out of an uncomfortable situation because they can’t find the sincerity in them to be honest with you. They ultimately have underlying intentions with your friendship. Proceed with caution with these ones. Better yet, find it in yourself to distance yourself as much as possible, leave room for more positivity in your life.
Bring on college. Undoubtedly the best 4 years of my life. You live on your own with virtually no responsibilities… Besides turning in your assignments, making it to class and feeding yourself properly without the help of your parents. The friends you make in college make your campus of 30,000 seem like a small playground. If you had the opportunity to join Greek life, that playground just got even smaller.
You start to understand that the student athletes are far more privileged than the average student and that beauty means more than brains to nearly 80% of the university population. ‘Who’s dating who’ is viable on Facebook and ‘just because there’s a goalie, doesn’t mean you can’t score,’ is a common mentality. Drinking is more than just a fun time, it’s a social necessity. Monday – quarter wells, Karaoke Tuesday at the local university bar, Wednesday $1 beers at Taylors, Thirsty Thursdays, Friday – because it’s Friday. And Saturday because it’s the weekend. Sunday’s are a day of rest, but if the weather permits, so long goes your chance at some TLC.
College is where you make your long-term, “Adult” choice in choosing a friend. Now, don’t get me wrong, those childhood friends are a treasure and inevitably unforgettable, but college is when you have thousands to choose from, virtually from all over the country and you make a conscious choice from the pool which you are presented to. Many might have been drunkingly chosen sure,… and girls are quite good at this form of picking up a new bestie in less than 2 seconds flat.
We also all have that drinking buddy of ours, or know of a person that can make going anywhere a blast and a half. We also all can name that one friend who can make you look like a sober fool because of the embarrassingly inebriated level they reach, nearly every time.
And we all have that one person in our lives, if we’re lucky enough, that makes you think twice about your college morals and the way you’re living your life, based merely on their genuine way of being. Hang on tight to them! Rare to find that in the college scene.
You might take a class with this person, go and bust out a few weight sessions with them, run, do yoga with, and bond over protein drinks together. This person is the one you turn to when motivation hits and you know that no matter what, you can count on them to have a sweaty, solid workout with. You inspire each other inside and outside of the gym. Usually this person is more than just a workout buddy, but a great friend too. Friends that workout together, stay together.
This buddy you either meet while traveling, or decidedly planned on traveling together. Instantly, you have created this intangible bond that can never be broken because of the things you have experienced together while outside of your home, your state or even your country. Half the time you participate in things you would never imagine yourself doing, concerts, wet t-shirt contests, bungee jumping, skydiving, clubbing, getting a tattoo, falling in love overseas, signing up for dance classes and hot yoga with… the list is endless. You couldn’t get rid of these good times if you tried! These friends are right by your side when you have these life changing experiences, no matter how much you go into detail to explain what you have been through to others, they are the only ones who truly know what you two experienced because they were right there with you!
This is the friend that you do literally anything and everything with. People don’t even have to ask if you’re friends, sometimes you’ll get asked if your sisters or brothers and when you DO venture out on your own, people start to ask where “so and so” is because it’s really odd to see you without them. This is probably someone similar to your other half and also someone you can be the weirdest around. Literally nothing you two could do, could weird each other out, usually it’s a competition to who can be the weirdest.
These besties are the family you choose.
If you can make it through the childhood years, the high school years and even the college life with this particular friend, you found yourself a keeper. It’s tremendously easy to lose contact with someone who was once a face we saw every day without having to try. To keep in touch and stay updated in someones life requires mutual effort. It doesn’t matter how brilliantly wonderful that person may be, the true test is after you step foot in the “real world,” after you dip your toes into that new job, start to settle down with a significant other and/or start dating, move states, become immersed into your own life with your already-practiced hobbies or new life passions, the inevitable drifting apart sets in the way traffic eventually starts to clear. No matter how long you two may have been friends and no matter how strongly you feel your friendship is, distance is the true determining factor. I promise.
Yes, we still have social media, which allows you to keep touch from simple posts on the internet and a couple comments and likes here and there, but the human to human, face to face interaction is more valuable than gold. We all know that ‘Facebook Friend’ doesn’t always mean real life friend.
I absolutely love this quote, I couldn’t have said it better myself. This is how you maintain a life time friend. If you focus on whole heartedly becoming a good friend yourself, you will find that you will attract great friends by simply being there for them no matter what the circumstance, and all the while you remain genuine and true to you.
These are the friends that you want to raise your children around, the ones you still keep in close contact with, even if a few months go by, you meet up and it feels that no time has passed at all. I so strongly encourage everyone to find that lifetime friend. I promise you those “friends” that entangle you in a web of drama and you leave them feeling less than inspired to be a better person, are the ones you should think about reorganizing their position in your life. Do a little spring cleaning and realize that old shirt with the tiny hole and snagged zipper that always cuts you when you wear it – the one that you still love, but keep in the back closet is only taking up space, and even if you had great memories with that article of clothing, it’s time to move on and acquire a finer quality shirt that keeps you warmer, happier and won’t leave you cut and bruised.
If you thought of a person while reading this article that needs to go in the get rid of, give-away spring cleaning bag, your subconscious doesn’t lie. Those friends are like a bad ex that you keep forgiving and continue to invest your time and energy in. Life is much too valuable and precious for that! Treat yourself right and move on. Keep your kindness and continue to be cordial, simply reposition those type of people in your life and voila. Good for you for having self-respect and knowing what you deserve!!!
Be in transition to a better life by first finding out who sucks the happiness out of you and replacing them with a genuine human who inspires you and makes you laugh. Once you surround yourself with good people, you’ll figure out how good life can be, I promise.
6 Replies to “Life Time Friend vs the Convenient Friend”
I made the cut I made the cut!!!
Oh yea that was me ☺
Thank you for this :)
I found true joy and inspiration reading this ;)
You’re very welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it and found inspiration, that is the best compliment I could ever get! :)
I really like your style, would you mind sharing where you like to do your shopping?
Hi Kelsey, in these pictures I am mostly wearing items purchased while I was abroad in Australia, but thank you! I mostly shop at Norstroms, TJ Maxx, H&M, Forever 21, Urban Outfitters, and the like. I love to support local boutiques but my favorite is Vanilla in Bend, Oregon. I’m a huge bargain shopper and sales get me every time ;)